Sad days

Hello Everybody,

You ever had one of those days when something horrible happens and everyone says crap like cheer up and it's better this way? Another dumb thing to say is Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. Like who really gives a crap about that. Something bad happens, Cheer up! Yeah right like that's going to happen. Another thing is that everyone says be brave or if you're not crying they say stupid stuff like there you go, that's being brave then they look all triumphant like they actually did something and I want to yell at them that they did nothing, that the tears are so bad they don't even show on the outside but inside your heart is breaking and you feel like you're going to explode if you don't cry. What horrible thing that happened to me today is that I was watching Peter Pan with my sisters and my mum and dad came in and just said "Well, your dad brought Mittens (my cat) to the vet and he either has Leukemia or AIDS. We'll know in a few hours." Isn't that just dandy? Hmm? Oh what you don't understand why I'm so upset? Well I've had that cat for nearly nine years. Terrified of starting secondary school? I hugged my cat. One of my best friends in hospital? I hugged my cat soaking his coat with tears. Great Uncle has cancer? I fricking hugged my cat. He was there when everything was bad, when everything was good and making me laugh because he put a mouse in my dad's shoe and he nearly put it on his foot. Here is a picture of him looking like the true witch's cat he is:

Can you see why I was distraught? What happened then was that my dad called the vet and it turns out he has AIDS and is slowly and painfully dying. The vet said that the most humane thing to do would be to put him down. I have two sisters. One stayed painfully quiet and the other was in tears. I sat on the couch and she starts screaming "Get up! Get the hell up! That's where he sat! That's where he sat! Get UP! MOVE! NOW!". Peachy kind of day isn't it? We went to the vet to say goodbye and I rub the bridge of Mittens' nose and tell him everything is going to be all right. When did I become such a liar? Walking out of the vet's office I could not contain the tears any longer and just burst into tears. I, of course, find my solace in books so I read the prologue of one of my favourite books thinking that if I just pretend to be that character everything would be OK. Sure that character has human-lupine hybrids and bombs thrown at her but hey, it would be more exciting and happier than this place. My oldest sister finds her solace in continuing as normal. My other sister finds her solace in cartoons, she is currently watching her sixth Disney or Dreamworks film today. So yes, I have had one of these days and I still cannot get these tears out. They fill my chest with this block and I can't remove it. Maybe never will, some things never leave you. This blog post is dedicated in loving memory to my cat. Mittens or to those who know him well, Spud and one more name for him is Mitteytoeitins. Rest In Peace my furry friend. I will never forget and it will forever remain on this blog. Thank you all for listening or well reading my little rant, it means a lot. Never forget your pets.

Clíodhna
xxx